Penny Lawford 1944 - 2019

Penny in a nighdress and tiara

Penny entered our lives when she married my cousin Mike Lawford and came to live at West Tisted. They became frequent guests at our house Harrvestgate Farm, and their children, Sam and Dominic, were playmates of ours. Penny was full of life and fun, never stopped talking and was loved by all.

Will and Belin Martin's Summer Lunch 1980 includes Panny and Mile 

Mike worked with the well-known local farmer, Neil Fairey for a few years, after which they moved to Trumpington outside Cambridge and later to Orwell, and we saw less of them. But such was her warmth of personality and energy, the bond remained close, particularly with Prue.

Will Martin spoke most movingly at her thanksgiving service on 25th April 2019 and described her life and character in his own words as well as those of some of her childhood friends.   

How wonderful to see such a huge gathering of Penny’s family and friends here today. What a fitting tribute to Penny and her generosity of spirit, her laughter and love of life.

When Sam asked me, just a week ago, to say a few words about Penny I was very daunted at the prospect, but she and Dom furnished me with some of the letters and emails they have received since Penny’s death, and many of you will recognise your own words in what follows. The generosity of others has greatly lightened my burden today and helped me see those qualities in Penny which I might so easily have overlooked.

Penny had amazing resilience and this, with her fortitude in the face of adversity, was likely forged early in her life when, at the age of about six, not only did her parents split up but her mother developed polio and was in hospital for more than a year. Penny, who almost from birth had suffered from asthma and eczema due to an allergic reaction to a smallpox vaccination, went with her sister Annette, to live with her grandparents on the Cowdray Estate where her grandfather was a farm manager. A lot for one so young to take on and Penny might easily have allowed all this to overwhelm her, but in typical fashion she turned it into something positive. 

The words of her cousins Ian and Rick recall this time so well:

We spent most of our childhood summer holidays at Moor Farm on the Cowdray Estate and nearby was the Round Tower where Aunt Ruth and Uncle Dick lived (Penny’s grandparents). This strange eccentric building drew us, it was magnetic and, more magnetic than anything else, because it housed Annette and Penny our cousins. 

With them mischief blossomed. Clambering over the old castle ruins, guddling in the river Rother, playing polo minus the horses and cricket minus the rules filled our days, and always at the centre of the fun was Penny.

Penny was the inventive one, yet Penny the one who organised. She recognised when we were getting hungry in time to pester her grandmother to feed us and anticipated when we needed to get back to the farm in time for us not to miss dinner. 

When I think of Penny I think ‘laugh’. Penny’s laugh was her. I can hear her laugh now, hear her wheezing joyously as another childhood adventure culminated. I can hear her laugh as she suggests another scheme for kids’ fun…

My goodness, how that theme of fun ran on throughout her life. 

At about the age of 12 she and Annette, who had each lost a year of schooling whilst their mother was ill, were packed off to boarding school. It was a convent and Penny didn’t take kindly to the rules and discipline, so of course she rebelled by having fun – there are tales of shinning down drainpipes after lights-out,  at mealtimes flicking butter onto the ceiling behind the nuns’ backs and, as she got older, the inevitable and surreptitious smoking of Black Cat cigarettes with her chums.

History doesn’t relate at exactly what age Penny left school or indeed with what qualifications, but whatever they were I think we can be fairly sure that an O-level in English was not one of them. I have spoken to many of Penny’s friends in the past week and a recurring theme has been her hand-writing and spelling. Many of us can recall finding an envelope on the doorstep with the address seemingly written by a very drunk tarantula (how did the postman ever manage to decipher it?) Ah! one would think, a letter from Penny and you knew that you’d need at least ten minutes to unravel the wild hieroglyphics and mis-spellings of each page. But Penny really did try to get the spelling right and often a word would be crossed out two or three times only for her to give up at last and offer a very competent sketch of what she was trying to spell instead!

Penny’s post-school career was varied and took her to many places abroad – all seemingly fun-filled. From Paris where she shared a flat with Annette to Italy where she partied in San Remo at night and paid the bills by selling deckchair time on the beach during the day. And on to South Africa where she sold industrial dynamos – the mind boggles. 

Her one foray into business on her own account – running a franchise of Clover Leaf Ice Cream in Cape Town with a business partner ended badly with the partner skipping off with the cash leaving Penny holding the debts. Fortunately, her accountant gave her the best advice under the circumstances – go to the airport now and don’t come back to S Africa!

On return to England she began a stint as front-of-house manager at The Plough at Fen Ditton, and by all accounts was a huge asset to the establishment. The pub was a favourite with racing luminaries such as Willie Carson and Lester Piggott, as well as the actor Omar Sharif.  Often they would arrive unannounced, yet Penny always managed to find them the best table in the house – often persuading a reluctant chef to cook them their favourite desserts even though they weren’t on the menu that night.

Not long after Penny and Mike were married in the early 1970’s they moved to a farm in West Tisted in Hampshire and it’s from this time that Penny entered our lives. Belinda and I have happy memories of being surrounded by the new babies of both families, shared god-parenthood and endless parties at which Penny was always central to the fun. 

Our bliss was short-lived however as, just a few years later, Mike’s work took them to Trumpington. But happy visits to Cley Farm several times a year kept us in constant touch, with our children becoming life-long friends. I am sure that it was due to Penny’s determination that we always managed to remain close in spite of the geographical distance which separated us. 

In particular the deep and lasting friendship which she and Belinda shared (something men never quite manage to achieve in the same way) has been one of the constants of the last 45 years of my life and a source of joy to me.

It was at this time too that Penny developed her skill as an artist. Quite untrained, she taught herself the demanding skill of painting on silk which she also turned into a money-earner. Indeed many of those here today will have examples of her art on their walls and at least one member of today’s congregation is wearing a silk tie which Penny painted specially for him.

In 1989 came the move to a house of her own for the first time - Meadowcroft in Orwell. This gave Penny the chance to develop another, hitherto dormant, skill. Again with no formal training, but with much determined reading and research, she turned herself into a gardener of amazing talent and achievement. She designed and planted from scratch a most beautiful garden at Meadowcroft and maintained it immaculately. Her love and knowledge of gardening was profound and her eye for colour was unerring. She seemed to know instinctively where each plant would prosper. Her garden was the backdrop to so much fun, to so many parties as well as Sam and Tim’s wedding – and always at the centre of it, leading the dance, was Penny.

In 1999 the breakdown of her marriage brought the huge wrench of leaving Meadowcroft and her beloved garden, but Penny wouldn’t let this stand in her way. She moved to Orchard House close by and set about creating another but completely different garden. It is here that in many ways, although dogged by ill-health, she had her happiest days, thrilled by the advent of three grandchildren and happy to see Dom and Jean settled and married. She was determined to live in the face of pain and see her family grow up. Her deep and abiding love for her children shone out as did her huge engagement with everything that they did. 

And they responded in kind – Penny was so fortunate to have two such wonderful children as Sam and Dom and their devotion to her and care of her, especially by Sam, was exemplary.

Penny was indomitable. She had a wonderful warmth and sense of fun of which we all were so much the beneficiaries over the years: she was interested in all the trivia of the lives of others, and richly engaged with everything. It was a privilege to have been her friend, to have watched her fight against adversity, and to have been the recipient of her kindness. And above all to have shared so much fun with her – she was an extraordinary woman and how we all will miss her.

For more photos of Penny, see here
For photos of the funeral at St Andrew's, Orwell on 25th April 2019, go here (few are public)